Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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