Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
