I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
