hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
