I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize