Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
