Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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