when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
