This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
