Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
