grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
