If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
