I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
