Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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