apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
