I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
