I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
