don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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