i can't believe i had my finger in that
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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