do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
