i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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