First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
