So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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