We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
