I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
