I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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