Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
