I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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