Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
