Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
