dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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