Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize