Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize