bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
