She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
false alarm. still invincible.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
