I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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