Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
