Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
