i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize