I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
