i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
