my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
