his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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