We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
