Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
