The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
