dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
