is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
