Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
