I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
