I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He did a backflip because drugs
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
