if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize