took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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