Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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