You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
