I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
