don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i'm inner monologue high
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize