How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
