I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
