You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
