there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
