mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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