Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
