the condom got lost in my hair
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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