Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
