So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
