I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
