Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
