I think I won the penis lottery.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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