It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
