Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
